


My Grown Up Christmas List

by wickedlupin



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Post-Game, Pre-Epilogue, it's Christmas!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 21:56:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13109286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedlupin/pseuds/wickedlupin
Summary: She had come to Keterburg to meet with her friends for Christmas.  Emperor Peony had invited them all to stay in his childhood home, and Natalia had accepted at once; it was so rare to see everyone all together anymore.Well, almost everyone.





	My Grown Up Christmas List

**Author's Note:**

> there are about 8 different variations of this song on the christmas playlist that plays in the grocery store that i work in

Natalia had always liked the snow. It had a charm to it that nothing else could quite replicate, and it was due to that charm that she found the cold biting at her nose to be playful, instead of simply cold. She watched the white flakes fall around her, where she sat bundled under layers of clothing. Maybe it always snowed in Keterburg, but she wasn’t always in Keterburg, and it was Christmas Eve, which meant the snow deserved to be enjoyed. Most of the town had thought the same way a few hours earlier, but now it was late, _late_ in the night, and Natalia was one of very few left outside.

She had come to Keterburg to meet with her friends for Christmas. Emperor Peony had invited them all to stay in his childhood home, and Natalia had accepted at once; it was so rare to see everyone all together anymore.

Well, almost everyone.

Natalia had visited Tear on her own a month prior to their meeting in Keterburg. It had been fun, just the two of them, like a sleepover Natalia had never been able to experience as a child. It was then, as they both sat cross-legged and facing each other on Tear’s bed, that Tear had asked her.

“What do you want for Christmas?”

Natalia found it tough to come up with an answer. When it came to material things, she had always been given anything she asked for. She had never really had the chance to accumulate any sort of wishlist. When she searched herself for something she genuinely wanted, she was met with those old, familiar words again.

_“…Let’s change this country. Change it so that no one has to be poor. Change it so that war never happens. Let’s change this world…”_

In the end, Natalia had asked Tear to make a donation to a charitable cause instead of buying her a gift, and to continue supporting her as she tries to lead Kimlasca.

Now, as Natalia sat rooted on her snow-covered bench, she wondered if her time sitting in the cold could be considered a sacrifice, and if that would somehow make her worthy of having a wish granted. Perhaps that was a childish thought, but it made her feel better, so she decided to believe in it, at least for the moment. She closed her eyes and thought her wish as loudly as she could.

_For Christmas, I wish that everyone can lead happy lives with their loved ones, that already present wounds will heal, that there will be no more war, and…_

Her thought was interrupted as she struggled with which name to embed into the end of her wish.

_…and most of all, I wish for Luke to come home._

Natalia opened her eyes again and found them wet with tears. She wiped them with her gloves. She felt like she was somehow betraying Asch by wishing for Luke instead of him. However, if she was being logical, she knew that Asch wasn’t coming back. Luke had a chance, everyone believed he would one day come home, but Asch was dead. He couldn’t come home, no matter how much Natalia wished. So it was better not to wish, wasn’t it? It was better to accept his death, and move forward, wasn’t it?

But in truth, there was nothing she wouldn’t give to have both of them there in Keterburg, celebrating the holidays with her and everyone else. Her tears kept coming, falling down onto her pale blue scarf. The cold clung to the tears, stinging her cheeks harshly and taking the playful charm out of the snow. Maybe it was about time for her to head inside. She could curl up under warm blankets and cry herself to sleep if she wanted to, because sometimes that’s just necessary when you’re feeling sad. She figured Asch would think that was stupid, but he always did plenty of stupid things himself. She missed worrying about him doing stupid things.

At long last, Natalia stood up, her joints frozen and achy from sitting in one place for so long. Shivering, she trudged through the snow back to Peony’s home. As she approached the mansion, she stopped to look up at the sky. The snowflakes mingled with stars.

“You aren’t here to fulfill your promise, so I’ll have to fulfill it all on my own, alright?”

She said it mostly for herself, but a part of her hoped that somewhere, up above the snow and the stars, Asch could hear her.


End file.
